January Reflections

January was what I would deem a roller coast month – about a week and a half ago I was in such a funk, I wasn’t sure I would be able to pull myself out.  I am not completely sure where this sudden anger and sadness came from, but needless to say I was not in a good place, I felt overwhelmed and lonely.  One of the struggles with moving to a new city is not having my “go to girlfriends” when things get rough and I need someone who just seems to know what to do.  I touch based with a few friends in the city and pushed myself to keep moving forward even though I wanted to hide under the covers.  I also used this time to reflect on when I have been happy and how I have pulled myself out of a gloomy funk before.

The answer I came up with was Yoga!  In particular – Moksha, a style of yoga I started doing when I lived in Waterloo.  I have not been in a Moksha studio for years, so I looked up the local studio and debated which class to attend.  As I prepared for my first class, I started to think of the philosophy behind yoga, which I learned about during a workshop called “The Yoga Code”.  The Yama Asteya stood out in my mind. 

Asteya – Non-stealing.

When reflecting on the Yama Asteya, I usually reflect on whether I am stealing from other people, do I steal their thunder, their thoughts or their freedom to be themselves?  I do not typically think about whether I am stealing from myself; however, as I reflected on the concept, I realized that is exactly what I had been doing.  The days of January were being wasted away on mindless activities, things that would not contribute to my joy or future ambitions.  I was mindlessly stealing time away from myself that I could have been using to go for my goals and build the life I want.  This reality hit me as I reflected on my notes....

“Steal from ourselves if we don’t prepare – if we want to change our life – we have to prepare to get our dreams and what we will do once we get them” 

The words were written into my notebook and circled with stars, as if to say – I am important, remember me. 

 It was then that I realized just how much time was disappearing as I sat on Facebook or mindlessly surfing the internet.  When I looked at my actions I realized I was stealing my desires from myself – the desire to feel healthy and strong, the desire to get in shape for my backpacking trip and my desire to feel connected to new people in this not so new city.  It is not that I do not have enough time – it is the fact that I have been stealing the little pieces of time I do have, to do things that don’t help me achieve my goals.  Okay, so perhaps there is a bit of truth in there not being enough time to do all the things I want, though if I didn’t waste time surfing the internet and arguing with myself about what to do for the evening – there would be more time!

So deciding to embrace the practice of Asteya – I grabbed my mat, my hot yoga towel, my water bottle and headed out to the local studio to give myself the gift of yoga.  I have gone four times – 3 different Moksha classes and a slow restorative Yin class.  I feel like I am giving myself back the pieces I have stolen over the past month – rebuilding myself to feel strong, healthy, motivated and inspired.  

When thinking about what you do in your day – can you say with certainty that you are not stealing your life from yourself?